Ambiguity and Ouch, My Back!

I broke myself on this house. We’ve been working so hard moving and getting this house into a place where we feel like it is truly ours. I’ve been lifting way too many things and turns out that even when I’ve been taking care to lift with my legs I’ve managed to over work all of my mid and upper back muscles. I didn’t go into this move with the best of preparation. I’ve had trouble with my upper back for years, since I was doing desk work and even worse, I’ve been working on tablets, phone, and laptops all hunched over when there was no desk. In the new place I had no desk for a couple of weeks and I just aggravated those muscles even more. So now I am weak as a noodle and have been waking up 3-4 times a night with big pain, so yay sleep deprivation too!

There are still so many things left to do but I have to take a week off from lifting or cantilevering off a ladder installing stuff. Heck right now I can’t even sit at the table for long before cramping up. So now I’m taking hot baths, stretching where I can, relaxing, and taking pain relievers. It also means that I really can’t play with my Burner friends in virtual reality worlds either, stay up late to enjoy fresh EDM, or make many of our online get-togethers. This is depressing.

There’s nothing ambiguous about a sore back, so it’s time for me to talk about the big ambiguity in my life. I had my CT scan and blood test last Tuesday. Simply put we can’t see anything new on the CT scan but my CA19-9 blood counter is over double what it’s ever been in the past, and that includes the early days. Not only that but I’m down to 175 lbs, which is what I weighed in my freshman year of college. Am I dying? I mean like, soon-ish?

These things prey on my thinking, flavoring them into bitter, sour directions. I almost made a spontaneous and completely stupid post to Facebook. I was sharp with M. I walked around the past few mornings like a slack-jawed zombie. I even knocked stuff over and didn’t pick them up.

Then I had a hot bath this morning. A really hot bath, and I felt a lot better. I resolved to eat more frequently and with more protein. In addition to a protein drink I had a piece of apple pie this morning since hey, I need to gain weight. I’ve lifted nothing all day but managed to fix a lamp and walk the dogs with M, up to one of the highest points in Tacoma, just a couple of blocks from the house. It felt great to go through a day without either going to a hardware store or to the dump.

Hate to leave this without any conclusions. No wait, I have one but it’s got nothing to do with any of this – Anyone who still believes that the orange bastard who stole our country for 4 years won this election, they deserve to be air dropped into Russia from 20,000 feet.