Post-Chemo, the First of a New Set

I can’t believe it but this is the first time I’ve ever wanted a chemo infusion and have been delighted with the immediate results. The last month I think I’ve been feeling the effect of the cancer on me directly. Up until last week I never actually felt the cancer. I only felt the treatments. Now I believe that most of that pain I’ve been feeling was not due to overwork or strains, but were expressions of one of the fun things that pancreatic cancer delivers, intense back pain and digestive distress. By last Monday I was pretty sure that the digestion and the back pain were related, and I was in continuous pain or discomfort. I started taking percocet before bed to get through the night.

Then I got my infusion on Tuesday. The next day I pretty much just stayed in bed, thinking that my malaise was due to the chemo. This was strange to me because all the other times I’ve had gemabraxine for chemo I wouldn’t feel its effects until a full day later, but I just figured it was hitting me differently this time. The percocet just simply stopped working that night too. I managed to get sleep though with pillows propping me up enough to let me enter rem sleep. Oh great.

When I woke up on the third day most of my back pain was gone, just disappeared. I still had an intense pain around my left kidney and that was making me wonder if I was also beginning to throw a kidney stone, which I did in the mid-1990s. Today I woke up with that soreness but after reading in bed I got up and realized that it was mostly gone too. Wow! It’s back just a little bit but holy smokes I can breath again and sit at a desk and write without dreading the hurt. I really hope that the chemo keeps working like this. It would be really good to lose this.

Upon reflection I realized that I had never felt something directly caused by the cancer. I mean let’s not count the jaundice in 2018 right now shall we? What I understand very fully though is that if I don’t keep this cancer down this is how I will die; in pain, in bed, and drugged to incoherence.

I still have social plans for this tonight and Sunday and I am so happy that I won’t be canceling out this time! I have travel I want to do this summer and it looks like it will be possible! I feel so good feeling normal!