The Twilight Times

When I have to nap a lot I find there are clock times that can masquerade as both AM or PM times. The classic around here in the Pacific NW is around 7:00 on a winter’s day. AM or PM you may ask but consider the rest of the scenario. Add this: I’d just woken up from a very deep sleep and couldn’t remember what time I’d gone to sleep, so was it a full night’s snooze or just a deep 3 hour thing? Looking at a 12 hour display clock next to my bed doesn’t help.

I hate the feeling I get when I’m asking myself that question right after waking up. To contrast though, I also always notice my situation and have a gratifying burst of fulfillment from the feeling of at least recognizing the situation, but that still makes me wonder what other times across a typical day could contribute to a feeling of displacement.

One would think that because there are more hours where this can happen in the winter than in the summer, this kind of displacement can only happen in the dark. Those are just the trivial cases.

I’ve had times at Burning Man when I woke up during the day and was not able to tell whether it was morning or afternoon until I’d gotten up and out of bed to look for other clues. I think the shock I’d felt upon waking up was bigger when it happened during the day rather than at night.

If you haven’t already noticed, I’m paying a lot of attention to details I would have just shrugged off in the past. We’re safe to say that it’s due to 2 years of social isolation plus this newly found sense of ultimate mortality. It may not be soon but it is plain to see that the typical route out with pancreatic cancer is at least a few months being bedridden and drugged. I’m paying attention to everything now and taking in the juicy details. All of them.